Frustration of Contract: the termination of contract due to unforeseen circumstances that prevent the achievement of its objectives or make it practically impossible to execute. It could be caused by reasons such as an accident, change in law, fire, or sickness (businessdictionary.com). Or, apparently by a supposed attempted coup and your area of work being in a rebel held area.
I think it’s a very apt name to give it: frustration of contract. Because that’s a huge thread of feeling that I can identify with when I try to unpick the emotions that have become so entangled over the past few weeks. Sitting in Nairobi, waiting to see how things play out. Waiting. Following the news closely, unable to do anything about it. Hearing my contract was to be terminated and I was to fly back to England as soon as possible. And now unceremoniously flung back to square one: the world of the unknown. Difficult to plan anything ahead for uncertainty about opportunities that may come up. Grumpy with people whose favourite question is… ‘What next?’ Back in a place where I don’t really want to be. Frustrating.
So yeah. I’m back in England. And here are some answers to the questions:
You want to know if I’m ok? I am. I will be.
You want to know when I got back? About 4 weeks ago.
You want to know what I’ve been doing? I’ve been hiding. Wanting to somewhat sort my own head out before I revealed my location to the world. Also I’ve been spending time with children. Up north with my godson and his brother. Then off to France to see my friend’s gorgeous 2 month old baby. Children don’t really care how you’re feeling, or what went on, or what you’re gonna do next. They just want you to give them cuddles, or watch dvds with them, or go on treasure hunts. That’s the best sort of company.
You want to know what I plan to do next? My least favourite question. But this much I can tell you, I’m back to Kenya next week for just under a month. This much I do know.
It’s not been easy, but, as a friend and colleague in South Sudan wrote to me and said: ‘Everything has a beginning and an ending, and where there is an ending there will be a new beginning.’ So while my heart lays heavy with the thought of all that has gone on and continues to be going on hidden from the news in South Sudan, I’m also preparing to step forward to the new beginnings and new adventures ahead, whatever and wherever they may be.